


The Destinies We Choose

by Anonymous



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awesome Gwen (Merlin), Awesome Morgana (Merlin), Depressed Morgana (Merlin), Episode: s02e03 The Nightmare Begins (Merlin), F/M, Good Morgana (Merlin), Kinda, Magic Revealed, Mentor/Protégé, Merlin Teaches Morgana Magic (Merlin), Morgana Knows about Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Other, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:29:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24392827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “What could you have possibly done to make you hate yourself so much?”“It’s not what I’ve done, it’s what I’m destined to do,” Morgana said as she pressed the dagger closer to herself. “And I’m sorry Merlin, but I can never let that happen.”----Morgana has been having prophetic dreams about killing Arthur and hurting all those she loves. Desperate and disgusted, she decides to take her own life, thinking it would prevent the things to come.Will Merlin be able to stop her in time and change the course of destiny before it's too late?
Relationships: Gwen & Morgana (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 92
Collections: Anonymous





	1. In The Night (Part One)

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning- Suicidal thoughts and actions.

Morgana paced around her chambers, footsteps echoing off the stone floor. She stared at the dagger that sat on her night table- beautiful and menacing. Tears reached her eyes as she considered it, not for the first time. 

_She was magic._

She had already suspected that she was, but when her bed curtains had suddenly caught fire, all her worst fears were confirmed. 

_She was disgusting. Unnatural. Evil._

Her visions had been getting more and more twisted lately. She saw glimpses of pain and destruction, of death and war. She had caused it all- or, at least, she was going to. 

_She would be the cause of Arthur’s death._

She couldn’t allow that to happen. She wouldn’t. Camelot was her home, the citizens her friends. She wouldn’t let any pain and suffering fall upon them. No matter the cost. She would protect her kingdom from its biggest threat- Herself. 

_Resolute in her decision, she picked up the dagger. Trembling hands guided the blade to her abdomen. Just one deep breath and-_

* * *

Merlin awoke in a cold sweat.

His dream had been too real for comfort. He tried to even out his breathing, tried to convince himself that it was just a nightmare, nothing more. But every bone in his body screamed that it was more than that. His magic told him that this was no mere illusion. This was a prophecy. 

_Morgana was going to kill herself._

He bolted out of bed and rushed out of Gaius’ quarters, ignoring how the pots and pans fell and clattered on the floor, most likely waking the physician. He only had one thought. 

He needed to get to Morgana. 

* * *

Merlin arrived at Morgana’s chamber door in no time, silently thanking the Triple Goddess for all his practice at avoiding the guards. He gently cracked open the door, desperately hoping it had just been a dream and that Morgana would be sleeping soundly under her silk sheets. 

That was not the case. Even in the dark room, he saw that he had been correct. The King’s ward was holding a dagger to her person, clearly about to do something unthinkable. 

Merlin didn’t think. He burst into the room without warning. “I know what you’re about to do,” he said gently. “Please, don’t.” 

“Merlin,” Morgana whispered, voice breaking with emotion.

“What are you doing?” the manservant asked, trying to keep his own voice calm and gentle. 

“Stay back, Merlin,” she warned. “This is none of your concern. I need to do this.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do. You wouldn’t understand,” A fresh wave of tears rolled down Morgana’s checks. Of course Merlin wouldn’t understand. He was just a sweet village boy, caring as he was, he couldn’t help her with this. What did he know of destiny, of fates beyond control? 

“Let me try,” Merlin pleaded.

“Trust me. This is for the best.” 

Merlin searched the girl’s face, stared into her eyes, looking for any glimmer of hope, any will to keep going. 

All he found was self loathing and desperation. 

“What could you have possibly done to make you hate yourself so much?” 

“It’s not what I’ve done, it’s what I’m destined to do,” Morgana said as she pressed the dagger closer to herself. “And I’m sorry Merlin, but I can never let that happen.”

The servant took a step closer to the noblewoman, attempting to disarm her. She tightened her grip on the handle, making him pause. 

“Not a step closer, Merlin. I’ll hurt you,” she sounded more apologetic than threatening. “I have magic.”

It was then that Merlin decided to do the most careless thing he had ever done. Gaius wouldn’t approve, nor the dragon, nor his mother back home in Ealdor. He didn’t care. He had already lost Will, lost Freya. He refused to let another friend die because of Uther’s pointless war. 

“Morgana, so do I,” he confessed, tears threatening to spill from his own eyes. Time seemed to stand still as the two sorcerers eyed each other.

“Prove it,” Morgana finally broke the silence. Merlin breathed heavily- considering. This was dangerous and he knew it. 

Regardless, he cupped his hands and whispered something in an ancient language. When he opened his hands, a fiery mare appeared, galloping through the flames that rested on Merlin’s palm so easily.

He didn’t know why, but a part of him was expecting Morgana to get up, run to the King, and tell him about what he had done. He’d be dead by morning. The young woman just stared at him in amazement. When he met her eyes, he found something he could work with. _Joy_. Just a little bit, but the simple act of magic had made her happy.

“Morgana,” he took a step closer, and this time she didn’t protest. “Please, put it down,” he gestured to the weapon that she was still holding, though her grip had loosened.

The blade fell to the ground as Morgana collapsed into Merlin’s waiting arms.


	2. In The Night (Part Two)

“How long have you known?” Morgana asked the serving boy who sat across from her. She was clearly still shaken, but had calmed somewhat as Merlin made her a cup of tea.

Merlin paused to think. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he knew he couldn’t tell her the whole truth, either. “I’m not sure. I guess I’ve always kind of known.” 

Morgana nodded in understanding. She, too, had always felt… different. Merlin made her feel less so. 

“I keep having dreams,” she said, voice quivering again. “Visions where I bring horror and chaos upon Camelot, upon everybody.” Would he still want to help her if he knew that she was little more than a monster laying in wait? “I think it is my destiny to kill Arthur, or at the very least have a hand in it,” the last words were barely choked out as she began to cry again. She loved Arthur like an annoying little brother, she couldn’t live with herself if she hurt him. 

Merlin nodded. It was almost like he already knew. But that was impossible, wasn’t it?

“I don’t know about you, my lady, but I am so fucking sick of destiny.” Morgana’s eyes widened. She had never heard Merlin be so vulgar before. “Forgive me. It’s just that- It seems to me that _you_ are the only one who wields your fate.”

They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity before Morgana spoke again. “What are we going to do?” 

_We._ That sounded nice. Morgana had always been alone, but maybe she didn’t have to be anymore. Maybe Merlin could understand her, be a true friend in a world of people she was forced to keep at arm's length. 

“The druids. I know of some druids” Merlin said, conveniently leaving out the part where he was their bringer, Emrys. “We can get you out of Camelot.” 

“What if I don’t want to leave?” 

Merlin shook his head. “It’s not safe for you here, milady.” 

“It’s not safe for you either,” she countered. “Why do you stay in Camelot? Why risk everything by staying here when you could go anywhere?” 

“Arthur needs me,” Merlin stated simply, another half truth. 

Morgana put a delicate hand over Merlin’s rough ones. “Thank you,” she said, thinking back to all the times Arthur’s life had been at risk. All the times Merlin must’ve saved him from certain doom without ever asking for reward or recognition. “Thank you for looking out for him.” 

“Well, he’s too big an idiot to do it himself, isn’t he?” Merlin blushed at the appreciation, clearly not used to it. 

Morgana let out a tired laugh at that. “He is, indeed.”

The city bell tolled, indicating it was four hours past midnight. Merlin knew he should go soon but didn’t want to leave his friend alone in this state. 

“Merlin?” 

“Yes, my lady?” 

“Teach me magic,” it wasn’t an order, it was closer to a plea. Merlin shot straight up out of his chair in shock. The thought had never even crossed his mind. 

“No!” She jumped a little at the tone and Merlin continued, more softly. “No, Morgana. I want to help you, but I can’t. It’s too dangerous. If you’re caught using magic, who knows what could happen. I don’t want to put you in that position, my lady.” 

“I’m a grown woman. I know the risk that I- that _we_ \- would be taking,” Morgana reminded him. “Please. I need to know what this is, who I am. I know you understand, Merlin.” 

And, Gods help him, he did understand. Better than anybody. “Alright. I will teach you. But we have to be careful about this.”

“Of course.” 

The bell tolled again, announcing to the city that it was five. The guards were about to change shifts, making this the ideal time for Merlin to sneak out.

“You should go,” Morgana told him.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” 

“Yes,” her friend’s concern touched her. “Gwen will be here soon anyways. Go while the knights are still switching.” 

Merlin went to leave, before Morgana caught his hand. “Merlin. Thank you.”

He smiled at her, bright and genuine, before exiting the room.

* * *

“My lady?” Gwen called as she opened the door, revealing a very tired looking Morgana. She was carrying a small bouquet of lavenders and she handed them to her mistress. 

“From Merlin,” the maid explained. “He said to feel better. Are you okay, milady?” worry painted the woman’s face as she checked Morgana over for any signs of illness.

Morgana spotted a rolled up piece of parchment in the flowers, no doubt a message from Merlin. She smiled a smile that reached her eyes, the first one in a long time. “I think I will be.”


End file.
